In Conclusion... Well Sort Of.

           Well I finished the Daniel Fast but I guess I didn't really finish. I went back to my normal vegetarian diet with milk and eggs and sugar and after about a week of that I just felt yucky. I felt myself falling back into my old habits and I hated it. I was off the fast for three weeks and after that first week I started looking into the idea of going vegan. The more I looked into the more wanted to do it. I got a couple books and decided to try. The first couple days I kind of "yo-yo-ed" it, trying to eat mostly vegan but still slipping, (especially when it came to chocolate!). But I still felt icky after eating those foods. Going vegetarian was a little different for me then most people because I didn't do it solely for the animals, I love animals but it was more for health reasons. It wasn't until after being a vegetarian for a little while that the idea of eating something that was once alive just weirded me out. Just as the more I looked into going vegan the more I saw how terrible all animals are treated and how miserable their lives are just for our purposes. So while I was contemplating this decision I asked God to show me if this what He wanted for me.
       I've been a little slack on my Bible-in-a-year Bible lately and got a little behind; I just kept putting it off or just wanted to read my other Bible. But anyways I picked it yesterday and the story I was on was one in Numbers where God uses a Donkey to speak to this guy named Balaam. An angel appeared on the road that Balaam and his donkey were passing through but only the donkey could see it. The donkey turned and ran in fear of the angel but Balaam didn't see the angel so he beat the donkey. When Balaam tried to go that way again the donkey lay down behind Balaam but again, Balaam beat the donkey because he was unable to see the angel. This happened one more time and then the Lord gave the donkey the ability to speak. Only then did the Lord open Balaam's eyes as well and he saw the angel. The angel told Balaam that he was there because Balaam was stubborn and if the donkey wouldn't have shied away, the angel would have killed Balaam and spared the donkey. I know that was drawn out but I want to share one more thing before I relate that to my decision to go vegan.
      I've had this idea I guess you would call it, especially after reading the Chronicles of Narnia and seeing how all the animals responded to Aslan, that if God would inhabit the earth in all His glory that the animals would just know it was Him, that they would just automatically know Him as their creator and follow Him. Unlike us who have a choice as to what we worship, some of us would see God as the Creator and Father while others would wonder what He was. I don't know if that makes sense, but I just think that the animals just know. Kind of like the donkey that was able to see the glory of the Lord before the stubborn human was.
      I also don't think God designed us to eat animals or anything that comes from them. We didn't begin to consume anything from them until after the fall and I don't think we will be enjoying a nice juicy steak in heaven. I don't know anything about what happens to animals when they leave this earth, but while they are here I do think they need to be respected as God's creations. I don't feel like I have the right to take something from another being just because it tastes good. (but so far the vegan recipes I have tried have been DE-liscous!)
I know that from being vegan for about 3 weeks, to not for three weeks, and this first week back on being a vegan I definitely feel a whole heck of a lot better choosing vegan.
     I'm not saying you’re a horrible person of you eat meat or that you’re a bad Christian or anything like that, these are just my reasons for going vegan and how I feel about it. God has made everything clean and everything permissible for us but that doesn't mean its right for everyone. I hope to choose compassion in every area of my life even the food I eat and make a difference in standing up for the animals that can't do it for themselves.
     Please don't take offense to this!! And I won't give you a nasty look if you eat meat or milk or eggs! :) I just had to organize my thoughts and this help to kind of affirm my decision. These are just some verses that God used to move my heart in this direction.

 The story of Balaam and the donkey was Numbers 22:21-41

"Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is helpful, everything is permissible for me, but I will not be brought under the control of anything."

                                               1 Corinthians 6:12

"Speak up for those who have no voice, for the justice of all who are dispossessed."

                                               Proverbs 31:8   

"Everything on Earth will worship You; they will sing your praises, shouting your name in glorious songs"
                                               Psalm 66:4    

Day Twenty Two and Twenty Three.

     Well, I'm done!! I'm excited to be done and have finished but I really enjoyed these past three weeks so I feel kind of weird about stopping. I started this fast because I wanted to rely on God for my only source of comfort and well... everything else. To be totally committed to God and willing to give all of myself for His purpose and because that is the only way I can truly live and live abundantly. I've loved learning to depend on God's word and to soak in it as I go through each day and the difference it makes in my day. I read the Bible before, but I it was more of reading a book then reading the living word. Claiming that living Word is part of walking in the Spirit and choosing to act through Him instead of acting out of my flesh. And while I'm a little nervous to stop because I don't want to fall back into walking by my flesh and feeling trapped, I know that I can always choose the Spirit over my flesh and always claim that freedom, regardless of where I am. I needed to do this fast and I don't think it was coincidence that I did it when I did. I'm excited for a new year and leaving behind the old. I was made a new creation when I accepted Christ as my Savior, but I was still holding on to my sinful ways, Christ saw me as new, but I didn't. As I enter into a new year for me, I'm ready to claim the newness and forget my former ways. I am new and I am free only through Christ and nothing I can do on this earth can give me that feeling. That is why I can't focus on the things of this world but the things of the Spirit. This is way jumbled because I have so many thoughts and emotions bumbling inside my head. I began this fast to draw closer to God and I know it won't be my last. I feel refreshed and and excited about continuing to grow with God, all of Him, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit and excited for whatever may come because I know I can always have perfect peace in Him. This fast has also gotten me to journal a lot more and I definitely think that has had an impact. It gets me to focus more on what I'm thinking and look at it more in depth to help me understand it more even though it might sound like rambling to others who read it. I can't say I enjoyed every moment of this fast, but I loved doing it and I know it won't be my last. 

          "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

                                                           Isaiah 43:18-19

Day Twenty One.

         Today should be my last day of the fast based on Daniel fasting for three weeks, but I want to enter in to my first day as an "adult" doing something bigger than myself. I don't know why, its kind of silly. I'm also a little scared to stop. I don't want to go back to my old bad habits and let go of this freedom I've been feeling. It's kind of ironic how having the freedom to eat whatever I want could just make me feel trapped all over again. I knew of it before and heard about it, but I never actually claimed the freedom that God offers for myself. My own sin was keeping me tied down and I was too selfish and wrapped up in it to let it go. If only I could have seen before that the freedom is so much better than any momentary gratification I got from the sin I had such a hard time surrendering. We get so wrapped up in our own lives and pleasing ourselves that before we know it, were cuffed to our ways and putting our desires, our gods, before the One True God. If I have learned one thing from this fast its that the only way to freedom, true freedom, however ironic it is, is total and complete surrender. Its difficult to force yourself to focus on God instead of your own wants, but what God offers is so much better than any pleasure sin can offer. Saying sin might throw some people off because they don't think a lot of what they do is sin. But looking at God's standards most of what I do and think would be considered sin in God's eyes. That's why He sent His Son. He knew we fall into sin so easily and can't keep His standards, so Jesus took all that on Him so we could be forgiven and be connected to the God who loves us so much. Without Him, there is no ability to overcome our sin and no freedom. It is only be giving up myself and Him coming in, that I can be free. The more I let go and become one with Christ, the more my mind can focus on the things God wants me to focus on, not the things of this world.  The thing I have to remember constantly is it is only by, through, and in Him that I can do anything pleasing to Him. Turning the "I" into a "we" and anything is possible.
So two more days...

Day Twenty.

         I did another blog on faith, but that's what I guess the theme for my day was. Putting all my faith in God and nothing else. This fast for me is all about surrender and that's what I hope my life to be, a surrender to God each and every day in every area. My prayer has been a lot that if God were taken away from me like you could physically see God on me, if you took Him away, there would be nothing left. I know it takes time and effort, but I believe that is the only way this life will mean anything, is if I give it up to Him. This fast has been the first physical way of me surrendering and it just keeps showing me how the body, soul, and spirit are connected and how to live by it. How surrender is not always an easy thing to do, but if I rely on my faith in this small thing, my faith will be all the stronger when its a not so small thing. 

   "His master said to him, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You were faithful over a few things, I will put you in charge of many things. Share your master's joy!"
                                                            Matthew 25:23

Day Nineteen.

        Day Nineteen, I didn't really think I would get here due to my previous attempts at things like this. But this has been different than any other thing I've done for many reasons. One I stuck to it, I usually give up on any sort of diet after the first couple of days and second was that I'm not doing this focusing on me. Dieting is focusing on how much weight your losing, how you look, how your clothes fit, all things about physical, nothing about the spiritual aspect. I keep talking about that, but I'm just so thankful for that understanding. While I feel good physically, it's not about that. Fasting is not about losing weight or detoxifying the body or just feeling better, yes it does those things, but if you go into it with that attitude its not going to be very rewarding and it might not even be able to be classified as fasting, restricting food for a spiritual purpose. I've prayed for strength before to help me on this diet, which just made me more disappointed when I failed, like I was letting God down or something. But the diet was still focused on me, not on God, which is were all my focus needs to be or I can't do anything. When I turn my eyes, all my attention in every part of my life, when it all points to God, He will not leave me stranded.

         "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
                                                                                                Proverbs 16:3
      

Day Eighteen.

          It's been a great day. Not because I had some great revelation or something incredible happened, I'm just excited about things happening now and things that are going to happen soon. I'm excited to be turning  eighteen and graduating and working at the camp this summer, going off to college, and continuing to walk in this amazing freedom. I was so frustrated the past two days and it just amazes me how God can take that completely away. I'm taking to the practice of finding a verse and claiming it for that day, repeating it over and over through out the day kind of praying it as I let it soak in my heart and mind. Today was Matthew 26:41 which says to "watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The Spirit is willing, but the body is weak." I found it last night as I was journaling and its what stuck today. I like finding a verse and sticking with it because it helps me memorize it, but also it becomes my prayer, and God's word really seeps in. That verse helped me to remember to repeatedly commit myself to The Spirit in order for me to overcome temptation because I know I couldn't do it on my own. I find it so neat how restricting myself has actually brought on freedom, not just freedom to do whatever I want, that freedom led me to make choices that I now want freedom from. Freedom through Christ, In the Spirit that I am not bound to this world but am able to over come it, because the One who did lives in me.

      "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
                                                            John 16:33

Day Sixteen and Seventeen.

        I began this week thinking it was going to be a lot easier or it was going to to be really hard. Its a little bit of both. Its kind of hard to explain but its been easy because I feel good that I've done this, the hard part being that I keep having to fight of thoughts of just stopping. The chocolate covered strawberries and the chocolate chip cookies my mom keeps laying around the house are also not helping silence that whispering but screaming voice. There will always be temptation around me, its how I respond to it that makes it a victory or a fall. I was getting frustrated these past couple days because I was responding out of my flesh. My flesh really wanted a cookie so I got mad that I couldn't have it. I was used to satisfying that want by doing it and then wanting another and another and so on. Instead of turning my attention away from myself and my desires of this world and choosing to walk in the Spirit. Walking in the Spirit takes practice and my body is going to revolt a little because it craves sin, it was born into sin and that was all it knew until Christ came in. It's kind of weird talking about my body as if its separate from me but it kind of is. Not that I'm comparing myself to God, but just as God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit but all three are still God, I am a body, soul, and spirit, but I am still me. Its going to take discipline to train myself to walk in my spirit which is committed to God, instead of letting my body control my decisions because it will always want the things of the flesh. Part of the reason I was getting upset was because I wasn't setting time apart to get into the Word and revamp so to speak. I can't expect myself to be able to overcome the things of this world when all I have is my power, because I have none. If it weren't for Christ and His strength in Me, I would be hopeless, there would be no way I could quiet the voice in my head that tells me to just do whatever I want to do when I want to do it. If I'm not daily seeking God the One who is Holy or set apart from this world, there is no way I can be set apart from this world. It is only by Jesus' blood that I am made holy, so I have to make a choice and claim it every single day. The only victory I have is through Christ and by Christ. It is not by power or strength, but only by His Spirit.

   "So he said to me, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty."
                                                      
                                                       Zechariah 4:6

   "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

                                                       Matthew 26:41

                                                       

Day Fifteen.

       Well I lied. I said yesterday that the food thing was getting easier, I lied. I woke up this morning just thinking about the days until I can have coffee and real bread and whatever I want! I kept thinking that and then I got frustrated that I was thinking that and not walking in the Spirit instead of thinking out of my flesh and its desires. I've gotten so accustomed to fulfilling my wants exactly when I want them and when I can't have them, I get mad. As simple as that, The American Way. Well I'm sick of it. I'm sick of thinking its all about me and having the mind set that this world was made to offer me something. Most of the people I'm around, including myself, think the world should just lay the perfect job, family, house, etc. right at their feet with little effort, instead of the old and foreign idea of I don't know, actually working for it. That's probably a little extreme and I know there are so many people who work really hard, I'm just tired of the "me attitude" probably because I see it in myself. Why should I feel entitled to anything? What gives me the right to think I should be able to have what ever food, clothes, job, that I want? Because I happen to be born to a family and a place that has given me that opportunity? What about the people who just happen to be born to a family and a place without any opportunities? I guess what I'm trying to get at is entitlement and where mine lies. I am not entitled to anything on this earth, nothing, it is all a gift that I decide how to use. I have a choice, I can choose to let my life be all about me which ironically will leave me unsatisfied and always wanting more, or I can surrender it wholly to God, choose to kneel, casting down all my pride and selfishness, and give my life in order to find everything I could ever hope for and more in Christ. Total surrender, not just giving God a part of my life, but all of it, all my desires, my dreams, my plans, my emotions, everything. Isn't the God who created the universe but also knows my heart more intimately than anyone else ever will, more capable at handling my life than I am? Most Definitely. It is my fear, my insecurity, my selfishness, none of which are from God, that hold me back. I have nothing, I am nothing, without God and His grace that I have because of Jesus, and it is only by The Spirit and Christ abiding in me that I can walk in surrender and not only live, but live abundantly. 


  "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it"
                                                     Matthew 10:39 

Day Thirteen and Fourteen.

             I missed yesterday but its okay because I probably would have just said the same thing! I weighed myself yesterday and though this is not only about the body, this is the first thing I've done where I have actually lost some weight. Its amazing what one can do when they don't focus on themselves and turn their attention toward Christ in order to accomplish their goals. I began this fast to experience the freedom from the traps of this world and that can only be found in Christ and I'm blown away each day by how much more I'm learning and experiencing. How when I asked God to take control and help me walk in the Spirit in one aspect of my life, and He gives so generously to help me in all the other areas. How when He takes control and reveals His power, it is not to make me feel more powerful, but quite the opposite, leaving me completely humbled and in awe of who He is. The food part of this fast is not too difficult anymore and I'm learning some things I want to make a part of my every day life. Not to say its been easy sticking to the restrictions and putting aside the want for those foods I usually enjoy. Today I went out to lunch with my family and we went to a Mexican restaurant where they had little food that was "Daniel fast approved" and I had to fight off the thought to just end the fast there many times. I felt a little guilty because I had rice which is okay, but I wasn't sure how it was cooked or exactly what kind it was. I felt a little bad for a little while but then I remembered Romans 8:1, no condemnation. While I am restricting what food I eat, God doesn't put any restrictions on us, this is my choice and my actions that I have put restrictions simply as a physical devotion that reflects my spiritual devotion. Actions that I hope will show my commitment to God as I try with all my heart each and every day. 

          "Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this"
                                                                   Psalm 37:5 


           "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
                                                                 Matthew 7:11

Day Twelve.

        Good day, gotta love Friday! I'm feeling part of the victory and healing that I know I will feel at the end and its an awesome feeling. I feel like its going away and I'm able to over come this by focusing on Him and handing it completely to Him. I've said I was putting it in His hands before but I was really holding on to it with all that I am, I never made the complete step in spirit, soul, and body to fully surrender. I would say in my spirit yes I surrender and I give this to Jesus, but then my actions wouldn't follow that decision. I would want to change my ways so badly but then just continue doing what I was doing without even thinking about it. My body, my flesh was controlling me, and not my spirit, or The Holy Spirit. I'm experiencing feeling in control when trying to surrender all of me, kind of ironic. I didn't even know how much I was out of control until I gave control up to God and He so kindly rearranges things replacing all the yuckiness with peace and joy and all His cool stuff. I never really understood Paul in Romans when he was saying that he did what he didn't want to do because I just thought that it was silly, why didn't he just do what he wanted to do! I knew I was unhappy with my actions, but I was always kind of behind a wall that kept me from seeing where Paul was coming from in Romans. I don't think that made any sense, but its okay. I'm giving my actions up to God and then hopefully I can do what HE wants me to do. 

            ^"Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

 You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you."

                                                        Romans 8:5-11

Day Eleven.

            Good day. I was in a lot of opportunities to break the fast and fall into the same place I was before, but even though the thought crossed my mind, I knew I wouldn't do it and had the power through Christ to not give in. I woke up late and was gone all day so didn't have the opportunity, or didn't make the opportunity I should have to get in to The Word and prayer, but I'm hoping to work harder to make that a routine. So that's it! Even though I've had some moments where I wasn't upset but just missed just eating what I want, I'm loving this fast and learning to let my wants not affect me. I'm excited to finish this one and do another one!

Day Ten.

             I think this is the longest I have ever stuck with some sort of diet change. I usually give up two or three days into it thinking it doesn't really matter, but this does matter. This is not just about me, and its not just about the outside which is what I was trying to change on all the other diets I tried. I'm learning to take verses and apply them, to write them on my heart as God's word that was written thousands of years ago still brings me to tears today. Memorizing the verse not just to memorize it, but because I repeat it over and over through out the day and use it to call on God and His strength. The Bible is not some archaic book that has no relevance today or something hard to understand. Its living and never dies, it gives me strength, it helps me learn about this awesome, incredible God, and it fills me up. This fast has helped me grab on the The Word and cling to it in order to equip me for everything I will face. It will sustain me, it will bring me closer to God when I feel far away,  it will never fail. True Christianity is not something you can pick apart and only take the parts you feel like doing, its all or nothing. Well in order to have a real relationship. You can't say "well I don't really understand the Holy Spirit and He can make things kind of weird, but the God and Jesus thing is okay so I'll just stick with them." If you do, your missing out. Or one I hear a lot is people who believe in God but just think Jesus to be a good teacher, NO. If He was a good teacher and you believe in the things He teaches, why disregard the one fact that is most important that you don't believe just because it makes you a little uncomfortable. But anyways, my point is that I can't expect to find all the things God promises on the simple fact of believing in Him, yes that's a big part, but it takes devotion and sacrifice and walking out what His Word tells us. God is a pretty big deal, all of Him, and following Jesus takes commitment, I don't know where people got the idea He is a once a week type deal. Not trying to be rude, but it frustrates me the way people see God and the people who follow Him. I don't want a god I can just put on or rely on sometimes, I want a King of Kings and a Lord of Lords I can surrender wholly to and know that He wants the best for me because He loves me. I don't want a religion I can practice once or twice a week, I want a relationship that I can grow in every day of my life. 

    "For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of the soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts of the heart." 
                                                   Hebrews 4:12

        "But He answered, "It is written: Man must not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."
                                                   Matthew 4:4

Day Nine.

         Even though this is my first fast, I'm becoming a firm believer in it. The first week was frustrating trying to get the hang of it and figure out what I was doing, but now I'm excited that I'm sticking with it and learning so much. The first week I was still hanging on to the part of me that found comfort in food and relied on it, but now I understand the difference between just changing what I eat, A "Daniel Diet", to changing what and how much I eat for a spiritual purpose, the Daniel Fast. I'm excited and its weird how my attitude has changed into pure joy about the rest of this fast. Today at work I just felt like I needed to get up and I was almost anxious because of the joy that I felt. And its so filling that I know its not something I created, but only a feeling that could come from God. I'm excited to continue to learn about the Holy Spirit as my helper and walking in Him instead of my flesh. Doing so will prepare me for the battles ahead that aren't as simple as the ones I face today. Having faith and learning to trust the Holy Spirit now so I can have faith that can move a mountain when the time comes. This is all kind of jumbled because I'm learning and the Holy Spirit is not something that is easily grasped and will never be fully grasped by my simple mind. But the awesome thing about God is I don't have to fully understand Him to surrender to Him, if I understood everything I think I would get pretty bored. I have a long way to go, but I know that I can do it, not by anything in me (ironically), but by the power and might of Christ in me.


That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 
                                                2 Corinthians 12:10
 

Day Eight.

       Well I guess I've been feeling like oh, I don't know, A girl. Today alone I experienced joy, jealousy, anger, excitement, frustration, exhaustion, and so on... These feelings alone are enough to make a person go crazy! What I'm learning in the book for the Daniel Fast is how it is our soul were we experience emotions, and most of us live letting the soul be in control. But if we do let our lives be run by our soul, then we will act out of our emotions which is not always a good thing. My emotions want to punch some people in the face, but that would not be sharing the Love of God, despite the fact that it might make me feel better :) But anyways, It takes time and commitment to learn to walk in the Spirit, and put the emotions of the soul and the actions that could result in the body on the back burner while we commit to the Holy Spirit and the emotions and actions He knows are best. This might sound really strange, but I'm learning, and I want to learn more about the Holy Spirit because He gets put on the back burner of my life way too often. I know that I can do this fast food wise, but I want to commit my spirit, soul, and body to God, all Of Him, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, to live how He wants me to live. I think I'm getting repetitive but that's my prayer everyday and one I will pray for the rest of my life. Living in the Spirit takes time, asking Jesus into my heart was the easy part, its living it that will take commitment which I'm ready to give. 

    "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."
                                                  1 Thessalonians 5:23

Day Seven.

       One week down! I've been kind of in a slump these past couple of weeks and today it just sort of lifted. God replaced my bitterness, not that I had anything to be particularly bitter about, but He replaced it with joy. I found myself getting upset over the littlest thing and made such a fuss about it. Not necessarily saying it, but complaining in my head, "Oh well that's one more thing I have to do", kind of in a "poor me" mood. Which is so silly because I don't have one single thing I should be complaining about, even if it is only to myself. Continuing the pity party will never lead me to joy. When I started this fast, I had the mindset of "I have to do this". But I really don't have to do this. I want to do this. God didn't put any requirements on are relationship with Him, He doesn't require us to fast, but He does want us, all of us, body, spirit, soul. Fasting is my choice as a way to give more of myself to Him, and try to give all of myself. I started the day off in prayer and prayed through out the day and it didn't make it a "frolic through the flowers" type of day, I had frustrating moments all the same, but after some worship I truly feel joy. I was thinking today of some of the experiences I've had and how food has gotten in the way of making that experience all it can be for me. Well this is it, my prayer for this fast is that that will never happen again and I can live in exactly what Jesus offers, complete FREEDOM.

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."
                                                  John 8:36

Day Six.

           Its getting easier, more routine. But I don't really want it to be routine, I want to fast. I almost grabbed a cookie my mom had sitting on the counter, but I caught myself. Albeit I ad strawberries in stead, which on a diet would be a good choice, but since its a fast, I feel like I should have just skipped it all together. I don't really have much to say because I feel like I'm getting repetitive, but I'm still excited for the rest of it. I'm ready for a change spirit, soul, and body. I want to start my first year of "adulthood" as a person totally dependent and committed to God and Him alone.

Day Five.

         Alright, well today was a little difficult. Well maybe not difficult, a little frustrating because I felt myself going back to some of my bad habits, just still eating Daniel fast foods.I was home for a lot of the day so it was just kind of a habit to snack and just grab a handful of something. I'm happy that I'm sticking to it and this is my first fast so I don't want to get disappointed, but I need to refocus. I read my bible and pray at night but its the same that I did before I began this. I'm making the physical change of what I need, but now I need to make a change in the spiritual sense. I want to start devoting more time to pray and seeking God, and also start my day pursuing Him. Making the change spiritually will affect every other aspect of my life. I want to be a living sacrifice and I've already been made "acceptable" to God because of the blood of Jesus, but now I want to be pleasing.

  "Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice,  holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship."

                                                             Romans 12:1

Day Four.

        Today was good. I'm excited to be sticking to it, but I also want to change a little bit. So far its been kind of a "Daniel Diet" instead of a Daniel Fast. A diet is just changing what you eat, where as a fast is restricting what you eat for a spiritual purpose. I've restricted what I eat, but not so much how much. I still feel really good though, and I'm beginning to enjoy it! I think this is a really good fast for someone to do as a first fast because its not too extreme but is still difficult. I want to get all I can out of this fast, and don't want to look back and wish I would have done more. I want to fully rely on Christ to be my strength and allow this experience to fully change me by giving it my all. I'm suppose to have 17 days left, but I think I'm just going to do it until my birthday which is only 2 days more but it would be nice to start my eighteenth year in full celebration! :) 


 The woman who does the Daniel Fast blog, which made me start it, blogged today on how delighting ourselves in the Lord means giving up all of us to Him. Completely surrendering to Him, and then our desires will be only for Him. So delighting in Him is already giving us the desires of our hearts. 


"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart."                                Psalm 37:4

 

Day Three.

     Done! Today was a little easier, and I'm feeling more confident for the eighteen days I have left. We went out to Steak N Shake for dinner, so I was a little worried, but I was able to think before I mindlessly ate the french fries or the sips of milk shake and stick to it. My mom loves to bake and usually has some goodies on the counter, like she did today, so it was always really easy to just grab one or two when I got home. Being more conscious of that has given me the ability to take control of that and not let my body's desires run me. There are so many things that say we should please ourselves, and society has made it easy for everyone to do just that. Bad for you food is the cheapest, fast food restaurants around every corner, Starbucks, all easily accessible to satisfy us whenever we want. This fast is showing me to lay down my weaknesses, out in the open, and God can use them to make me stronger, by Him being my strength. I don't need those foods that I would comfort myself with because I am already complete in Christ. Through Christ, and only by Christ, I am made strong, complete, and free. 
  I still had some moments where I thought I should just quit, but I know that's just the enemy trying to keep me locked down. It is only through Christ I can free in my spirit, soul, and body. I'm excited to continue and experience all of the freedom Christ offers, in all of me.

Heres the lyrics from the song Free by Switchfoot.

Free,
Come set me free
Down on my knees
I still believe you can
Save me from me
Come set me free
Come set me free
Inside this shell
There’s a prison cell

 

And some verses I'm going to cling to for the rest of my life. 

"For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority."
                                                    Colossians 2:9-10

Day Two.

      Today was good, I'm excited that I got through the second day. I think I'm going to say that every day! At one point during the day I felt a little bitter that I couldn't just have what ever I wanted when I wanted it, but it made me realize how much I do, for me, and for my comfort. I thought about how much trust I actually put in God. With a society that is based off fulfilling the individuals need, its easy to fall in the all about me state of mind, and with little need to rely on God. In my day to day life, people can rely on themselves more so than if they relied on God for their basic needs as so many people do. How many times have I disrespected God by telling Him how much I love Him, but still relying on myself and thinking I'm more capable to handle my own problems? 
 "I love You and trust in You, but not really because I still want to handle my own issues and live the same way I'm living." 
  God wants all of me, not just the times when I feel like loving Him, or the problems I decide to give up, everything. This was kind of a tangent, but I guess it goes along the line of truly loving and living for God, and that means being willing to let go of myself, my desires, and my comfort zone. Then God can come in and make my wants, His desires for me, which is way better than anything I can come up for myself. So I'm excited for the rest of this fast, and learning more about total surrender to God's will and living in His love with no limitations. 
Just some versus that I'm holding on to...
  
     Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.
                                                            Matthew 4:4

       Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
                                                            Romans 12:2

Day One.

     Today was my first day on the Daniel Fast. I stuck to the guidelines, so I guess in that sense it was a success. It was only the first day so I wasn't expecting much, just to do it. It wasn't a fast restricting the amount of food I ate, I still ate when I was hungry, but I did eat foods "Daniel Fast Approved". I feel pretty good, because I did the first day and also because the food is good for me! I'm eating no chemicals, no sugars, just wholesome food. I missed some caffeine this morning but I don't think I'll miss it after a few days. Despite the food restriction aspect of the fast, I have to focus on the point and purpose of my fast, to rely on God to be only comfort. The food part is just a physical action, without connecting it to the spiritual aspect, its more of a diet than a fast. The author of the Daniel fast book put it like this...
We are a spirit.
We have a soul.
We live in a body.
And I want this fast to effect all of me. Spirit, soul, and body. 
It was only the first day, but I have high expectations and excitement for the rest of it. Day one down. Twenty to go!

Its Only Beginning.

     This is where I am going to be completely honest, no holding back, no letting my pride rule how I act, simply me trying to work through the things in this world that hold me back from total surrender to the One True God. I don't care if anyone reads it, I don't care if you do read it and judge me, I'm just using this as an accountability tool and a place to focus. 


    Here comes the honesty...
    Okay I'm totally scared to write this, mostly because of my pride, but I'm sick of trying to fight it on my own only to end up failing. 
    Here it is... really.
    I've tried to say it before, but I can't admit it. Even when I swallow my pride and admit it to someone or even myself, I fall back thinking "its not that bad" or "I can handle this". When really, those thoughts should signal an alarm loud and clear in my head that I can't do this on my own, and trying to do so will only lead me further down the road of sin, the complete opposite way I want to go. 
   Alright, I'm committing to honesty, no matter the costs. Even though I know I will probably be the only one seeing this, just the thought that the thing that I'm ashamed of is out in the open scares me. But even if it makes me a sitting duck, I'm letting go and choosing to surrender all of who I am, my sins, my failures, my regrets, and most importantly my pride. 
   So...
   Ever since I can remember I have been uncomfortable with my body. Most of my family is on the slimmer side and even though it was probably all in my head, I've felt looked down on because of that extra stuff hanging on me. It made me sad, so I ate. I was bored, so I ate. I wanted comfort, so I ate. My struggle with food has been a nagging little pest that has followed me for as long as I can remember and though sometimes it might get smaller, its still there. I'm sick of letting this earthly desire have a hold on me and letting "my god be my stomach". I believe with all that I am that God is the One True God and He deserves all my attention, but I want my actions to follow my belief. When I choose to find more comfort in food then find my perfect peace in The God of the Universe, then my actions aren't lining up with my belief. 
  Taking action. 
  When I've tried to fast before it has always been about me. About the feeling of accomplishment I will get, or trying to lose weight, or proving something to myself. When really fasting should be all about God, about surrendering myself and totally getting myself out of the way for God to do His work in me. Beginning a fast with those selfish motives won't get me anywhere or they will push me further back. What I've learned in the past couple days is that fasting is done with a spiritual purpose in mind, not a personal purpose in mind. I'm ready to draw closer to God and push my self and my earthly desires out of the way in order for God to reign in me as the One True God I believe Him to be. My friend mentioned a little while ago a type of fast called the Daniel Fast. Its based on the way Daniel fasted which is represented in chapter 10 of the book of Daniel. It's kind of a vegan diet but with more restrictions. I know that even though I heard about it a while ago, this is the time I'm meant to do this. The fast lasts for 21 days and I'm going to use this blog as a journal through it as an accountability tool, but also just a way to focus on what I am doing and how I am doing along the way. My prayer and purpose in this fast is to be rid of this nagging pest and to rely on God as my only peace and comfort. So here it goes.
  Tomorrow begins day one.