Day Fifteen.

       Well I lied. I said yesterday that the food thing was getting easier, I lied. I woke up this morning just thinking about the days until I can have coffee and real bread and whatever I want! I kept thinking that and then I got frustrated that I was thinking that and not walking in the Spirit instead of thinking out of my flesh and its desires. I've gotten so accustomed to fulfilling my wants exactly when I want them and when I can't have them, I get mad. As simple as that, The American Way. Well I'm sick of it. I'm sick of thinking its all about me and having the mind set that this world was made to offer me something. Most of the people I'm around, including myself, think the world should just lay the perfect job, family, house, etc. right at their feet with little effort, instead of the old and foreign idea of I don't know, actually working for it. That's probably a little extreme and I know there are so many people who work really hard, I'm just tired of the "me attitude" probably because I see it in myself. Why should I feel entitled to anything? What gives me the right to think I should be able to have what ever food, clothes, job, that I want? Because I happen to be born to a family and a place that has given me that opportunity? What about the people who just happen to be born to a family and a place without any opportunities? I guess what I'm trying to get at is entitlement and where mine lies. I am not entitled to anything on this earth, nothing, it is all a gift that I decide how to use. I have a choice, I can choose to let my life be all about me which ironically will leave me unsatisfied and always wanting more, or I can surrender it wholly to God, choose to kneel, casting down all my pride and selfishness, and give my life in order to find everything I could ever hope for and more in Christ. Total surrender, not just giving God a part of my life, but all of it, all my desires, my dreams, my plans, my emotions, everything. Isn't the God who created the universe but also knows my heart more intimately than anyone else ever will, more capable at handling my life than I am? Most Definitely. It is my fear, my insecurity, my selfishness, none of which are from God, that hold me back. I have nothing, I am nothing, without God and His grace that I have because of Jesus, and it is only by The Spirit and Christ abiding in me that I can walk in surrender and not only live, but live abundantly. 


  "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it"
                                                     Matthew 10:39