Day Twenty Two and Twenty Three.

     Well, I'm done!! I'm excited to be done and have finished but I really enjoyed these past three weeks so I feel kind of weird about stopping. I started this fast because I wanted to rely on God for my only source of comfort and well... everything else. To be totally committed to God and willing to give all of myself for His purpose and because that is the only way I can truly live and live abundantly. I've loved learning to depend on God's word and to soak in it as I go through each day and the difference it makes in my day. I read the Bible before, but I it was more of reading a book then reading the living word. Claiming that living Word is part of walking in the Spirit and choosing to act through Him instead of acting out of my flesh. And while I'm a little nervous to stop because I don't want to fall back into walking by my flesh and feeling trapped, I know that I can always choose the Spirit over my flesh and always claim that freedom, regardless of where I am. I needed to do this fast and I don't think it was coincidence that I did it when I did. I'm excited for a new year and leaving behind the old. I was made a new creation when I accepted Christ as my Savior, but I was still holding on to my sinful ways, Christ saw me as new, but I didn't. As I enter into a new year for me, I'm ready to claim the newness and forget my former ways. I am new and I am free only through Christ and nothing I can do on this earth can give me that feeling. That is why I can't focus on the things of this world but the things of the Spirit. This is way jumbled because I have so many thoughts and emotions bumbling inside my head. I began this fast to draw closer to God and I know it won't be my last. I feel refreshed and and excited about continuing to grow with God, all of Him, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit and excited for whatever may come because I know I can always have perfect peace in Him. This fast has also gotten me to journal a lot more and I definitely think that has had an impact. It gets me to focus more on what I'm thinking and look at it more in depth to help me understand it more even though it might sound like rambling to others who read it. I can't say I enjoyed every moment of this fast, but I loved doing it and I know it won't be my last. 

          "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

                                                           Isaiah 43:18-19

Day Twenty One.

         Today should be my last day of the fast based on Daniel fasting for three weeks, but I want to enter in to my first day as an "adult" doing something bigger than myself. I don't know why, its kind of silly. I'm also a little scared to stop. I don't want to go back to my old bad habits and let go of this freedom I've been feeling. It's kind of ironic how having the freedom to eat whatever I want could just make me feel trapped all over again. I knew of it before and heard about it, but I never actually claimed the freedom that God offers for myself. My own sin was keeping me tied down and I was too selfish and wrapped up in it to let it go. If only I could have seen before that the freedom is so much better than any momentary gratification I got from the sin I had such a hard time surrendering. We get so wrapped up in our own lives and pleasing ourselves that before we know it, were cuffed to our ways and putting our desires, our gods, before the One True God. If I have learned one thing from this fast its that the only way to freedom, true freedom, however ironic it is, is total and complete surrender. Its difficult to force yourself to focus on God instead of your own wants, but what God offers is so much better than any pleasure sin can offer. Saying sin might throw some people off because they don't think a lot of what they do is sin. But looking at God's standards most of what I do and think would be considered sin in God's eyes. That's why He sent His Son. He knew we fall into sin so easily and can't keep His standards, so Jesus took all that on Him so we could be forgiven and be connected to the God who loves us so much. Without Him, there is no ability to overcome our sin and no freedom. It is only be giving up myself and Him coming in, that I can be free. The more I let go and become one with Christ, the more my mind can focus on the things God wants me to focus on, not the things of this world.  The thing I have to remember constantly is it is only by, through, and in Him that I can do anything pleasing to Him. Turning the "I" into a "we" and anything is possible.
So two more days...

Day Twenty.

         I did another blog on faith, but that's what I guess the theme for my day was. Putting all my faith in God and nothing else. This fast for me is all about surrender and that's what I hope my life to be, a surrender to God each and every day in every area. My prayer has been a lot that if God were taken away from me like you could physically see God on me, if you took Him away, there would be nothing left. I know it takes time and effort, but I believe that is the only way this life will mean anything, is if I give it up to Him. This fast has been the first physical way of me surrendering and it just keeps showing me how the body, soul, and spirit are connected and how to live by it. How surrender is not always an easy thing to do, but if I rely on my faith in this small thing, my faith will be all the stronger when its a not so small thing. 

   "His master said to him, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You were faithful over a few things, I will put you in charge of many things. Share your master's joy!"
                                                            Matthew 25:23

Day Nineteen.

        Day Nineteen, I didn't really think I would get here due to my previous attempts at things like this. But this has been different than any other thing I've done for many reasons. One I stuck to it, I usually give up on any sort of diet after the first couple of days and second was that I'm not doing this focusing on me. Dieting is focusing on how much weight your losing, how you look, how your clothes fit, all things about physical, nothing about the spiritual aspect. I keep talking about that, but I'm just so thankful for that understanding. While I feel good physically, it's not about that. Fasting is not about losing weight or detoxifying the body or just feeling better, yes it does those things, but if you go into it with that attitude its not going to be very rewarding and it might not even be able to be classified as fasting, restricting food for a spiritual purpose. I've prayed for strength before to help me on this diet, which just made me more disappointed when I failed, like I was letting God down or something. But the diet was still focused on me, not on God, which is were all my focus needs to be or I can't do anything. When I turn my eyes, all my attention in every part of my life, when it all points to God, He will not leave me stranded.

         "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
                                                                                                Proverbs 16:3
      

Day Eighteen.

          It's been a great day. Not because I had some great revelation or something incredible happened, I'm just excited about things happening now and things that are going to happen soon. I'm excited to be turning  eighteen and graduating and working at the camp this summer, going off to college, and continuing to walk in this amazing freedom. I was so frustrated the past two days and it just amazes me how God can take that completely away. I'm taking to the practice of finding a verse and claiming it for that day, repeating it over and over through out the day kind of praying it as I let it soak in my heart and mind. Today was Matthew 26:41 which says to "watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The Spirit is willing, but the body is weak." I found it last night as I was journaling and its what stuck today. I like finding a verse and sticking with it because it helps me memorize it, but also it becomes my prayer, and God's word really seeps in. That verse helped me to remember to repeatedly commit myself to The Spirit in order for me to overcome temptation because I know I couldn't do it on my own. I find it so neat how restricting myself has actually brought on freedom, not just freedom to do whatever I want, that freedom led me to make choices that I now want freedom from. Freedom through Christ, In the Spirit that I am not bound to this world but am able to over come it, because the One who did lives in me.

      "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
                                                            John 16:33

Day Sixteen and Seventeen.

        I began this week thinking it was going to be a lot easier or it was going to to be really hard. Its a little bit of both. Its kind of hard to explain but its been easy because I feel good that I've done this, the hard part being that I keep having to fight of thoughts of just stopping. The chocolate covered strawberries and the chocolate chip cookies my mom keeps laying around the house are also not helping silence that whispering but screaming voice. There will always be temptation around me, its how I respond to it that makes it a victory or a fall. I was getting frustrated these past couple days because I was responding out of my flesh. My flesh really wanted a cookie so I got mad that I couldn't have it. I was used to satisfying that want by doing it and then wanting another and another and so on. Instead of turning my attention away from myself and my desires of this world and choosing to walk in the Spirit. Walking in the Spirit takes practice and my body is going to revolt a little because it craves sin, it was born into sin and that was all it knew until Christ came in. It's kind of weird talking about my body as if its separate from me but it kind of is. Not that I'm comparing myself to God, but just as God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit but all three are still God, I am a body, soul, and spirit, but I am still me. Its going to take discipline to train myself to walk in my spirit which is committed to God, instead of letting my body control my decisions because it will always want the things of the flesh. Part of the reason I was getting upset was because I wasn't setting time apart to get into the Word and revamp so to speak. I can't expect myself to be able to overcome the things of this world when all I have is my power, because I have none. If it weren't for Christ and His strength in Me, I would be hopeless, there would be no way I could quiet the voice in my head that tells me to just do whatever I want to do when I want to do it. If I'm not daily seeking God the One who is Holy or set apart from this world, there is no way I can be set apart from this world. It is only by Jesus' blood that I am made holy, so I have to make a choice and claim it every single day. The only victory I have is through Christ and by Christ. It is not by power or strength, but only by His Spirit.

   "So he said to me, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty."
                                                      
                                                       Zechariah 4:6

   "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

                                                       Matthew 26:41

                                                       

Day Fifteen.

       Well I lied. I said yesterday that the food thing was getting easier, I lied. I woke up this morning just thinking about the days until I can have coffee and real bread and whatever I want! I kept thinking that and then I got frustrated that I was thinking that and not walking in the Spirit instead of thinking out of my flesh and its desires. I've gotten so accustomed to fulfilling my wants exactly when I want them and when I can't have them, I get mad. As simple as that, The American Way. Well I'm sick of it. I'm sick of thinking its all about me and having the mind set that this world was made to offer me something. Most of the people I'm around, including myself, think the world should just lay the perfect job, family, house, etc. right at their feet with little effort, instead of the old and foreign idea of I don't know, actually working for it. That's probably a little extreme and I know there are so many people who work really hard, I'm just tired of the "me attitude" probably because I see it in myself. Why should I feel entitled to anything? What gives me the right to think I should be able to have what ever food, clothes, job, that I want? Because I happen to be born to a family and a place that has given me that opportunity? What about the people who just happen to be born to a family and a place without any opportunities? I guess what I'm trying to get at is entitlement and where mine lies. I am not entitled to anything on this earth, nothing, it is all a gift that I decide how to use. I have a choice, I can choose to let my life be all about me which ironically will leave me unsatisfied and always wanting more, or I can surrender it wholly to God, choose to kneel, casting down all my pride and selfishness, and give my life in order to find everything I could ever hope for and more in Christ. Total surrender, not just giving God a part of my life, but all of it, all my desires, my dreams, my plans, my emotions, everything. Isn't the God who created the universe but also knows my heart more intimately than anyone else ever will, more capable at handling my life than I am? Most Definitely. It is my fear, my insecurity, my selfishness, none of which are from God, that hold me back. I have nothing, I am nothing, without God and His grace that I have because of Jesus, and it is only by The Spirit and Christ abiding in me that I can walk in surrender and not only live, but live abundantly. 


  "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it"
                                                     Matthew 10:39 

Day Thirteen and Fourteen.

             I missed yesterday but its okay because I probably would have just said the same thing! I weighed myself yesterday and though this is not only about the body, this is the first thing I've done where I have actually lost some weight. Its amazing what one can do when they don't focus on themselves and turn their attention toward Christ in order to accomplish their goals. I began this fast to experience the freedom from the traps of this world and that can only be found in Christ and I'm blown away each day by how much more I'm learning and experiencing. How when I asked God to take control and help me walk in the Spirit in one aspect of my life, and He gives so generously to help me in all the other areas. How when He takes control and reveals His power, it is not to make me feel more powerful, but quite the opposite, leaving me completely humbled and in awe of who He is. The food part of this fast is not too difficult anymore and I'm learning some things I want to make a part of my every day life. Not to say its been easy sticking to the restrictions and putting aside the want for those foods I usually enjoy. Today I went out to lunch with my family and we went to a Mexican restaurant where they had little food that was "Daniel fast approved" and I had to fight off the thought to just end the fast there many times. I felt a little guilty because I had rice which is okay, but I wasn't sure how it was cooked or exactly what kind it was. I felt a little bad for a little while but then I remembered Romans 8:1, no condemnation. While I am restricting what food I eat, God doesn't put any restrictions on us, this is my choice and my actions that I have put restrictions simply as a physical devotion that reflects my spiritual devotion. Actions that I hope will show my commitment to God as I try with all my heart each and every day. 

          "Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this"
                                                                   Psalm 37:5 


           "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
                                                                 Matthew 7:11

Day Twelve.

        Good day, gotta love Friday! I'm feeling part of the victory and healing that I know I will feel at the end and its an awesome feeling. I feel like its going away and I'm able to over come this by focusing on Him and handing it completely to Him. I've said I was putting it in His hands before but I was really holding on to it with all that I am, I never made the complete step in spirit, soul, and body to fully surrender. I would say in my spirit yes I surrender and I give this to Jesus, but then my actions wouldn't follow that decision. I would want to change my ways so badly but then just continue doing what I was doing without even thinking about it. My body, my flesh was controlling me, and not my spirit, or The Holy Spirit. I'm experiencing feeling in control when trying to surrender all of me, kind of ironic. I didn't even know how much I was out of control until I gave control up to God and He so kindly rearranges things replacing all the yuckiness with peace and joy and all His cool stuff. I never really understood Paul in Romans when he was saying that he did what he didn't want to do because I just thought that it was silly, why didn't he just do what he wanted to do! I knew I was unhappy with my actions, but I was always kind of behind a wall that kept me from seeing where Paul was coming from in Romans. I don't think that made any sense, but its okay. I'm giving my actions up to God and then hopefully I can do what HE wants me to do. 

            ^"Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

 You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you."

                                                        Romans 8:5-11

Day Eleven.

            Good day. I was in a lot of opportunities to break the fast and fall into the same place I was before, but even though the thought crossed my mind, I knew I wouldn't do it and had the power through Christ to not give in. I woke up late and was gone all day so didn't have the opportunity, or didn't make the opportunity I should have to get in to The Word and prayer, but I'm hoping to work harder to make that a routine. So that's it! Even though I've had some moments where I wasn't upset but just missed just eating what I want, I'm loving this fast and learning to let my wants not affect me. I'm excited to finish this one and do another one!

Day Ten.

             I think this is the longest I have ever stuck with some sort of diet change. I usually give up two or three days into it thinking it doesn't really matter, but this does matter. This is not just about me, and its not just about the outside which is what I was trying to change on all the other diets I tried. I'm learning to take verses and apply them, to write them on my heart as God's word that was written thousands of years ago still brings me to tears today. Memorizing the verse not just to memorize it, but because I repeat it over and over through out the day and use it to call on God and His strength. The Bible is not some archaic book that has no relevance today or something hard to understand. Its living and never dies, it gives me strength, it helps me learn about this awesome, incredible God, and it fills me up. This fast has helped me grab on the The Word and cling to it in order to equip me for everything I will face. It will sustain me, it will bring me closer to God when I feel far away,  it will never fail. True Christianity is not something you can pick apart and only take the parts you feel like doing, its all or nothing. Well in order to have a real relationship. You can't say "well I don't really understand the Holy Spirit and He can make things kind of weird, but the God and Jesus thing is okay so I'll just stick with them." If you do, your missing out. Or one I hear a lot is people who believe in God but just think Jesus to be a good teacher, NO. If He was a good teacher and you believe in the things He teaches, why disregard the one fact that is most important that you don't believe just because it makes you a little uncomfortable. But anyways, my point is that I can't expect to find all the things God promises on the simple fact of believing in Him, yes that's a big part, but it takes devotion and sacrifice and walking out what His Word tells us. God is a pretty big deal, all of Him, and following Jesus takes commitment, I don't know where people got the idea He is a once a week type deal. Not trying to be rude, but it frustrates me the way people see God and the people who follow Him. I don't want a god I can just put on or rely on sometimes, I want a King of Kings and a Lord of Lords I can surrender wholly to and know that He wants the best for me because He loves me. I don't want a religion I can practice once or twice a week, I want a relationship that I can grow in every day of my life. 

    "For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of the soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts of the heart." 
                                                   Hebrews 4:12

        "But He answered, "It is written: Man must not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."
                                                   Matthew 4:4

Day Nine.

         Even though this is my first fast, I'm becoming a firm believer in it. The first week was frustrating trying to get the hang of it and figure out what I was doing, but now I'm excited that I'm sticking with it and learning so much. The first week I was still hanging on to the part of me that found comfort in food and relied on it, but now I understand the difference between just changing what I eat, A "Daniel Diet", to changing what and how much I eat for a spiritual purpose, the Daniel Fast. I'm excited and its weird how my attitude has changed into pure joy about the rest of this fast. Today at work I just felt like I needed to get up and I was almost anxious because of the joy that I felt. And its so filling that I know its not something I created, but only a feeling that could come from God. I'm excited to continue to learn about the Holy Spirit as my helper and walking in Him instead of my flesh. Doing so will prepare me for the battles ahead that aren't as simple as the ones I face today. Having faith and learning to trust the Holy Spirit now so I can have faith that can move a mountain when the time comes. This is all kind of jumbled because I'm learning and the Holy Spirit is not something that is easily grasped and will never be fully grasped by my simple mind. But the awesome thing about God is I don't have to fully understand Him to surrender to Him, if I understood everything I think I would get pretty bored. I have a long way to go, but I know that I can do it, not by anything in me (ironically), but by the power and might of Christ in me.


That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 
                                                2 Corinthians 12:10
 

Day Eight.

       Well I guess I've been feeling like oh, I don't know, A girl. Today alone I experienced joy, jealousy, anger, excitement, frustration, exhaustion, and so on... These feelings alone are enough to make a person go crazy! What I'm learning in the book for the Daniel Fast is how it is our soul were we experience emotions, and most of us live letting the soul be in control. But if we do let our lives be run by our soul, then we will act out of our emotions which is not always a good thing. My emotions want to punch some people in the face, but that would not be sharing the Love of God, despite the fact that it might make me feel better :) But anyways, It takes time and commitment to learn to walk in the Spirit, and put the emotions of the soul and the actions that could result in the body on the back burner while we commit to the Holy Spirit and the emotions and actions He knows are best. This might sound really strange, but I'm learning, and I want to learn more about the Holy Spirit because He gets put on the back burner of my life way too often. I know that I can do this fast food wise, but I want to commit my spirit, soul, and body to God, all Of Him, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, to live how He wants me to live. I think I'm getting repetitive but that's my prayer everyday and one I will pray for the rest of my life. Living in the Spirit takes time, asking Jesus into my heart was the easy part, its living it that will take commitment which I'm ready to give. 

    "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."
                                                  1 Thessalonians 5:23