Day Seven.

       One week down! I've been kind of in a slump these past couple of weeks and today it just sort of lifted. God replaced my bitterness, not that I had anything to be particularly bitter about, but He replaced it with joy. I found myself getting upset over the littlest thing and made such a fuss about it. Not necessarily saying it, but complaining in my head, "Oh well that's one more thing I have to do", kind of in a "poor me" mood. Which is so silly because I don't have one single thing I should be complaining about, even if it is only to myself. Continuing the pity party will never lead me to joy. When I started this fast, I had the mindset of "I have to do this". But I really don't have to do this. I want to do this. God didn't put any requirements on are relationship with Him, He doesn't require us to fast, but He does want us, all of us, body, spirit, soul. Fasting is my choice as a way to give more of myself to Him, and try to give all of myself. I started the day off in prayer and prayed through out the day and it didn't make it a "frolic through the flowers" type of day, I had frustrating moments all the same, but after some worship I truly feel joy. I was thinking today of some of the experiences I've had and how food has gotten in the way of making that experience all it can be for me. Well this is it, my prayer for this fast is that that will never happen again and I can live in exactly what Jesus offers, complete FREEDOM.

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."
                                                  John 8:36

Day Six.

           Its getting easier, more routine. But I don't really want it to be routine, I want to fast. I almost grabbed a cookie my mom had sitting on the counter, but I caught myself. Albeit I ad strawberries in stead, which on a diet would be a good choice, but since its a fast, I feel like I should have just skipped it all together. I don't really have much to say because I feel like I'm getting repetitive, but I'm still excited for the rest of it. I'm ready for a change spirit, soul, and body. I want to start my first year of "adulthood" as a person totally dependent and committed to God and Him alone.

Day Five.

         Alright, well today was a little difficult. Well maybe not difficult, a little frustrating because I felt myself going back to some of my bad habits, just still eating Daniel fast foods.I was home for a lot of the day so it was just kind of a habit to snack and just grab a handful of something. I'm happy that I'm sticking to it and this is my first fast so I don't want to get disappointed, but I need to refocus. I read my bible and pray at night but its the same that I did before I began this. I'm making the physical change of what I need, but now I need to make a change in the spiritual sense. I want to start devoting more time to pray and seeking God, and also start my day pursuing Him. Making the change spiritually will affect every other aspect of my life. I want to be a living sacrifice and I've already been made "acceptable" to God because of the blood of Jesus, but now I want to be pleasing.

  "Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice,  holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship."

                                                             Romans 12:1

Day Four.

        Today was good. I'm excited to be sticking to it, but I also want to change a little bit. So far its been kind of a "Daniel Diet" instead of a Daniel Fast. A diet is just changing what you eat, where as a fast is restricting what you eat for a spiritual purpose. I've restricted what I eat, but not so much how much. I still feel really good though, and I'm beginning to enjoy it! I think this is a really good fast for someone to do as a first fast because its not too extreme but is still difficult. I want to get all I can out of this fast, and don't want to look back and wish I would have done more. I want to fully rely on Christ to be my strength and allow this experience to fully change me by giving it my all. I'm suppose to have 17 days left, but I think I'm just going to do it until my birthday which is only 2 days more but it would be nice to start my eighteenth year in full celebration! :) 


 The woman who does the Daniel Fast blog, which made me start it, blogged today on how delighting ourselves in the Lord means giving up all of us to Him. Completely surrendering to Him, and then our desires will be only for Him. So delighting in Him is already giving us the desires of our hearts. 


"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart."                                Psalm 37:4

 

Day Three.

     Done! Today was a little easier, and I'm feeling more confident for the eighteen days I have left. We went out to Steak N Shake for dinner, so I was a little worried, but I was able to think before I mindlessly ate the french fries or the sips of milk shake and stick to it. My mom loves to bake and usually has some goodies on the counter, like she did today, so it was always really easy to just grab one or two when I got home. Being more conscious of that has given me the ability to take control of that and not let my body's desires run me. There are so many things that say we should please ourselves, and society has made it easy for everyone to do just that. Bad for you food is the cheapest, fast food restaurants around every corner, Starbucks, all easily accessible to satisfy us whenever we want. This fast is showing me to lay down my weaknesses, out in the open, and God can use them to make me stronger, by Him being my strength. I don't need those foods that I would comfort myself with because I am already complete in Christ. Through Christ, and only by Christ, I am made strong, complete, and free. 
  I still had some moments where I thought I should just quit, but I know that's just the enemy trying to keep me locked down. It is only through Christ I can free in my spirit, soul, and body. I'm excited to continue and experience all of the freedom Christ offers, in all of me.

Heres the lyrics from the song Free by Switchfoot.

Free,
Come set me free
Down on my knees
I still believe you can
Save me from me
Come set me free
Come set me free
Inside this shell
There’s a prison cell

 

And some verses I'm going to cling to for the rest of my life. 

"For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority."
                                                    Colossians 2:9-10

Day Two.

      Today was good, I'm excited that I got through the second day. I think I'm going to say that every day! At one point during the day I felt a little bitter that I couldn't just have what ever I wanted when I wanted it, but it made me realize how much I do, for me, and for my comfort. I thought about how much trust I actually put in God. With a society that is based off fulfilling the individuals need, its easy to fall in the all about me state of mind, and with little need to rely on God. In my day to day life, people can rely on themselves more so than if they relied on God for their basic needs as so many people do. How many times have I disrespected God by telling Him how much I love Him, but still relying on myself and thinking I'm more capable to handle my own problems? 
 "I love You and trust in You, but not really because I still want to handle my own issues and live the same way I'm living." 
  God wants all of me, not just the times when I feel like loving Him, or the problems I decide to give up, everything. This was kind of a tangent, but I guess it goes along the line of truly loving and living for God, and that means being willing to let go of myself, my desires, and my comfort zone. Then God can come in and make my wants, His desires for me, which is way better than anything I can come up for myself. So I'm excited for the rest of this fast, and learning more about total surrender to God's will and living in His love with no limitations. 
Just some versus that I'm holding on to...
  
     Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.
                                                            Matthew 4:4

       Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
                                                            Romans 12:2

Day One.

     Today was my first day on the Daniel Fast. I stuck to the guidelines, so I guess in that sense it was a success. It was only the first day so I wasn't expecting much, just to do it. It wasn't a fast restricting the amount of food I ate, I still ate when I was hungry, but I did eat foods "Daniel Fast Approved". I feel pretty good, because I did the first day and also because the food is good for me! I'm eating no chemicals, no sugars, just wholesome food. I missed some caffeine this morning but I don't think I'll miss it after a few days. Despite the food restriction aspect of the fast, I have to focus on the point and purpose of my fast, to rely on God to be only comfort. The food part is just a physical action, without connecting it to the spiritual aspect, its more of a diet than a fast. The author of the Daniel fast book put it like this...
We are a spirit.
We have a soul.
We live in a body.
And I want this fast to effect all of me. Spirit, soul, and body. 
It was only the first day, but I have high expectations and excitement for the rest of it. Day one down. Twenty to go!

Its Only Beginning.

     This is where I am going to be completely honest, no holding back, no letting my pride rule how I act, simply me trying to work through the things in this world that hold me back from total surrender to the One True God. I don't care if anyone reads it, I don't care if you do read it and judge me, I'm just using this as an accountability tool and a place to focus. 


    Here comes the honesty...
    Okay I'm totally scared to write this, mostly because of my pride, but I'm sick of trying to fight it on my own only to end up failing. 
    Here it is... really.
    I've tried to say it before, but I can't admit it. Even when I swallow my pride and admit it to someone or even myself, I fall back thinking "its not that bad" or "I can handle this". When really, those thoughts should signal an alarm loud and clear in my head that I can't do this on my own, and trying to do so will only lead me further down the road of sin, the complete opposite way I want to go. 
   Alright, I'm committing to honesty, no matter the costs. Even though I know I will probably be the only one seeing this, just the thought that the thing that I'm ashamed of is out in the open scares me. But even if it makes me a sitting duck, I'm letting go and choosing to surrender all of who I am, my sins, my failures, my regrets, and most importantly my pride. 
   So...
   Ever since I can remember I have been uncomfortable with my body. Most of my family is on the slimmer side and even though it was probably all in my head, I've felt looked down on because of that extra stuff hanging on me. It made me sad, so I ate. I was bored, so I ate. I wanted comfort, so I ate. My struggle with food has been a nagging little pest that has followed me for as long as I can remember and though sometimes it might get smaller, its still there. I'm sick of letting this earthly desire have a hold on me and letting "my god be my stomach". I believe with all that I am that God is the One True God and He deserves all my attention, but I want my actions to follow my belief. When I choose to find more comfort in food then find my perfect peace in The God of the Universe, then my actions aren't lining up with my belief. 
  Taking action. 
  When I've tried to fast before it has always been about me. About the feeling of accomplishment I will get, or trying to lose weight, or proving something to myself. When really fasting should be all about God, about surrendering myself and totally getting myself out of the way for God to do His work in me. Beginning a fast with those selfish motives won't get me anywhere or they will push me further back. What I've learned in the past couple days is that fasting is done with a spiritual purpose in mind, not a personal purpose in mind. I'm ready to draw closer to God and push my self and my earthly desires out of the way in order for God to reign in me as the One True God I believe Him to be. My friend mentioned a little while ago a type of fast called the Daniel Fast. Its based on the way Daniel fasted which is represented in chapter 10 of the book of Daniel. It's kind of a vegan diet but with more restrictions. I know that even though I heard about it a while ago, this is the time I'm meant to do this. The fast lasts for 21 days and I'm going to use this blog as a journal through it as an accountability tool, but also just a way to focus on what I am doing and how I am doing along the way. My prayer and purpose in this fast is to be rid of this nagging pest and to rely on God as my only peace and comfort. So here it goes.
  Tomorrow begins day one.